While we often talk about what mentoring is, and what good mentoring looks like, we often fail to explain what mentoring is not.
And sometimes what something isn’t is just as important as what it is. So in the interest of clarification, here are 5 things that mentoring is not.
Mentoring is not coaching or training
There is a place for both coaches and mentors in the world, but it’s not the same place.
This is one of the most common mentoring misconceptions. While coaching focuses on performance and training teaches specific skills, mentoring is a relationship focused on personal and professional growth through shared experiences and guidance.
Some of the main differences when comparing coaching/training to mentoring include:
- Money – a coach is remunerated for their services, where a mentor’s reward is altruistic.
- The outcome – A coach is usually engaged to assist with a particular problem thereby being more task-oriented. In contrast, mentoring is relationship-focused.
- Time – A coaching engagement is generally time bound. This may be a pre-determined deadline or based on reaching a particular outcome. A mentoring relationship can be guided by time (e.g 6 months), but it can be re-ignited at any point and certainly isn’t constrained to a set period of time.
- Initiative – In a coaching scenario, learning is directed by the coach rather than the student. Within a mentor-mentee relationship, the expectation falls to the mentee to cultivate and drive the relationship.
So what does this actually look like in practice? Let’s say a new product manager joins a team. A coach or trainer would likely guide them through the product lifecycle, give them information on standard operating procedures, and explain the steps and approvals they’d need to be involved in for their role. A mentor, on the other hand, would use their first session build some rapport, suggest a few helpful resources, encourage their mentee to dig into the process themselves, and then use their next session to share personal insights like how they handle tricky stakeholders or navigate internal dynamics. It’s less about ticking boxes, and more about empowering a mentee to make their own way while offering real-world perspective.
Mentoring is not a passive endeavour
Great mentoring doesn’t just fall into place. It takes intention and effort from everyone involved: program coordinators, mentors, and mentees alike. You can’t expect strong outcomes if no one’s putting in the work.
The best mentoring relationships start with clear goals, regular check-ins, and a genuine commitment from both sides to learn and grow together.
One common mentoring misconception is that it’s all on the mentor. In reality, it’s a shared responsibility. Mentees should come prepared—with questions, updates, and even a rough agenda (huge bonus if you send it before the session!). This helps mentors use their time meaningfully and offer better support.
Mentors, meanwhile, should take time to understand what their mentee is working toward. What lessons from your own experience can you share? Are there tools, frameworks, or contacts that could help? Tailoring your guidance shows you’re invested.
If expectations aren’t clear, progress stalls. That’s why coordinators should promote shared ownership of the mentoring experience and provide tools like agenda templates or goal-setting prompts to make things easier and encourage preparation and structure. (Hint: Mentorloop has plenty of these ready to go!)
Mentoring is not therapy
A mentor isn’t a therapist. While a great mentor can absolutely help you navigate tough work situations or even provide support when personal challenges affect your professional life, it’s important not to treat mentoring sessions like therapy. The goal of mentoring is to keep conversations forward-looking and constructive, not to unpack and process emotional struggles that a mentor may not be equipped to handle.
For example, if a mentee consistently uses mentoring time to unpack ongoing mental health issues, regardless of whether they are related to their professional life, the mentor may start to feel overwhelmed or unsure of how to respond. That’s not helpful for either person, and it risks turning the relationship into something it’s not meant to be.
That’s where program coordinators come in. They can help set clear expectations around the role of a mentor and provide resources or referral pathways for situations that go beyond the mentoring scope. It’s all about balancing boundaries with empathy.
Mentors should listen and support, but also know when to suggest other avenues for help. Mentees should understand that while mentors can be great sounding boards, they aren’t trained counsellors. And coordinators should equip both sides with the tools to navigate this distinction confidently.
Mentoring is not a one-way street
Historically, mentoring has been a pretty hierarchal affair. A relatively senior mentor would pass on their knowledge, expertise, and experience to a more junior/younger mentee.
However, as the world has changed and evolved, so has mentoring. And today, it’s is more of a two-way street where both people bring something valuable to the table.
It’s a two-way street – both mentor and mentees must come to the table to share and connect. And it’s a two-way street in the sense that both the mentor and mentee have valuable information to share. (see: reverse mentoring).
A rapidly evolving consumer and business landscape, as well as the incessant march of technology, means that we all need to lean on each other for specific knowledge, expertise, networks, and increasingly important soft skills.
The idea that only one person benefits in a mentoring relationship is outdated. If that’s the expectation, you’re missing out on its real potential. Program coordinators can help shift this mindset by encouraging open, two-way learning, and providing tools like shared reflection templates to make it easy to practice. Program coordinators can also explore different types of mentoring formats like peer mentoring, reverse mentoring, or group mentoring to really get the most out of a mentoring culture.
Mentors should stay curious and be open to learning from someone who may be younger or less experienced, even while they’re in a position where they’re expected to share their experience and knowledge. Mentees, on the other hand, while being receptive to their mentors’ experience and knowledge, should also feel confident in sharing what they know and insights from their own experience. And program coordinators should support this by championing a culture where everyone has something valuable to offer.
Mentoring is not a cure-all
Finally, mentoring is not a cure-all. Mentoring is definitely powerful, but it’s not a magic wand.
It can do amazing things for organizations including:
- Increase leadership development
- Improve culture
- Recruit better talent
- Increase employee retention
- Promote diversity and inclusion
It can also do amazing things for individuals:
- Increase the likelihood of getting a promotion
- Increase confidence
- Help with a career change/transition
- Increase leadership skills
Even the best mentoring program can’t succeed in isolation. Progress, whether personal or organizational, depends on a mix of factors, all driven by a willingness to learn and grow.
A mentor can offer guidance, encouragement, and insight, but ultimately it’s up to the individual to put that into action. A mentee can come to sessions prepared and willing to learn,. but if their mentor isn’t willing to share their experience, it doesn’t work. And program coordinators can build and launch the best program on paper, but if the organizational culture isn’t set up for participants to want to participate, it can still fall flat.
Organizations hoping mentoring will fix everything from burnout to poor engagement risk disappointment if they don’t also address deeper issues. Coordinators should set clear, realistic goals and ensure mentoring complements broader development efforts. When done well, mentoring can be a catalyst but not a silver bullet or replacement for lasting change.
